Prudie

Lately I've been more acutely aware of my limitations not only as a human being but as an English teacher, and have resorted to an unorthodox tactic to try to get my students to talk to me. I have been, almost weekly, assigning them the "Dear Prudence" advice column from Slate.com.

Prudence (or "Prudie", to her circle of fans at the home) tackles the tough issues of the day, such as the following, which was a student favorite (to the extent that they have a favorite):

Dear Prudie,
I have a fiance who has an anxiety problem for which he takes medication. He wants to bring his guitar with him on our honeymoon because he said since he can't bring his piano (he's a classically trained pianist), he needs some instrument to play. He said that he needs the guitar or else he will feel anxious, because he would not have any instrument to practice. It irks me to no end that if he doesn't have an instrument and he's sharing company with me, that's what he's focusing on even though we're watching TV or at dinner, etc. When we have gone away for a weekend and he has not brought his guitar, he drinks instead. He does not get drunk, but he does drink enough over time that the alcohol keeps him from "performing." Is it selfish to want to have my honeymoon with just my husband and not have him leaving to go to another room to practice for a couple hours? I want undivided attention! Yet, I don't want to have him drinking and not able to perform, nor yearning to play an instrument while he is with me. Shouldn't I be enough, at least for our honeymoon?

—Feeling Not Important Enough

Here's Prudie's advice, a little harsh in my opinion:

Dear Enough,
You sound like more than enough for any occasion. What do you want your fiance to do—spend the honeymoon looking deep into your eyes, contemplating the loathing he finds there? From your description, you are about to marry a man you can't stand, who is coping the best he can with an anxiety disorder for which you have no sympathy. You can't even bring yourself to say you enjoy his music. Break off the engagement, and let him find a music lover with more heart.

—Prudie

Damn.

The students and I shared a deep conviction that we just didn't care, but nonetheless I had to press them on issues of drinking, compromise and "performance", in order to fill the hour and a half. Did I tell you that classes here are an hour and a half?

Sometimes in Conversational English class things deteriorate to the point that I just open up the floor to any questions they might have about anything, as if I was the Delphic Oracle. Their questions are generally good, and I almost never have an answer. For example:

1. Q: Why is there a high school in Colorado that doesn't have any windows?
A: Have you been to Colorado? Yes? Did you like it?

2. Q: Why do Americans order three hamburgers and a large fry at McDonald's and then order a diet coke?
A: (Long pause) Because the burgers and fries are fattening?

3: Q: Why do Texans not ride their bikes everywhere if it is so warm there?
A: Do you like Texas? Have you ever eaten chili?

4: Q: Why does America think it can tell every other country what to do?
A: Why do you think?

You see my general strategy, which can tack on an additional 20 minutes to the class. Throw in about fifteen 30-second long uncomfortable silences, and you've got some grade-A English instruction going on.

So anyway, if you know of any interesting articles on the internet that I could use to spark some vigorous discussion, please send them my way. I will gladly split my salary with you, although potatoes do have some difficulty getting through customs.

Sorry I don't have any other pictures.